Painted Monologues

Say you’ll survive

Charel — Sat, 19 Mar 2011 14:51:41 +0000

Tearing apart our every thought

Of hope to save one soul

A hope to make me whole, again

Down from a hundred to one

Count, down from a hundred to one

Lord, pray that you bring us a sun tomorrow

Out of a wedlock cosmo torn

A place where healing starts

Holding a Berlin Heart

Are you fading

Don’t stop waiting

Donors of excitement

In this Berlin Heart

- Berlin Heart, The Dears.

Underline everything, I’m a professional in my beloved white shirt.

Charel — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 06:30:06 +0000

Now now now, them boys are getting all the huge, manly, sartorial love and attention from GQ in their shiny new suits!

(Photo credits to GQ USA)

Aaah, Matt. You shall live forever in my dreams and daylight fantasies.

Oh, the things I do with the luxury of time.

Charel — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 20:47:35 +0000

Guess what? By some odd twist of events, I stumbled upon John Hafiz’s tumblr, and I didn’t recognise him until page 2. Then I thought, heeeey the name John Hafiz sounds awfully familiar. Perhaps he’s the guy that Brian told me about. You know, the one with the outlandish blog that’s so full of himself, albeit in an amusing way? The one who professes to be a ”Lelaki import yang membuatkan gadis, wanita dan perempuan tempatan ada sebab kukuh untuk berhias“? And the one who conjured up an imaginary girlfriend by the name of Samantha?

Anyway, what brought me to him was this video link of an unconventional wedding invite on Ninie Ahmad’s blog. So I clicked and watched. It’s rather charming in its indie, polaroid-inspired fashion.

Here’s his Vimeo.

Here’s his tumblr.

And here’s his detestable (but oh so recognisable) (s)mugshot:

(photo credits to JHZ + PDSN)

Yep, the guy on right.

On a side note, Astro’s Disney channel’s Fish Hook rich banners are fucking annoying. In fact, all them Disney channel rich banners are. They pop up when you least expect them to, and start blaring in this squealing cartoon voice that’s supposed to lure you into playing them mind-bending interactive games. Astro, you don’t know how much I’d like the disable the flash plugin on my browser. And for the love of all things animated, stop riddling pages top, left and right with instant loading banners. It’s a total deluge of crud-vertising.

Karen

Charel — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 07:50:43 +0000

Karen, put me in a chair, fuck me and make me a drink

I’ve lost direction, I’m past my peak

I’m telling you this isn’t me

No, this isn’t me

Karen, believe me, you haven’t seen my good side yet

- The National.

The ultimate office essentials, no not kilometricos

Charel — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 03:30:48 +0000

This post is dedicated to the Boss. In order to boost productivity, you need to make your employees happy. In order to make your employees happy, you need to submit to their whims and fancies, like buying what you may think are non-essential items but in actual fact, they’re vital to sustain the seemingly dwindling lifeforce of your minions.

So here are 2 very important (and cute too) life-saving tools you can get for us:

1. Dunk Mug ($13.90)

This ingenious mug comes in handy in times when your staff, chained to their desks and forced to animate a damn cartoon burger, are starving and in need of some real-world 1-Up shrooms. Stop blowing your moolah on new hardware, thinner netbooks, fancy getaways (no wait, scratch that), more black executive-looking folders and get this instead because seriously, you’ve got to be blind not to notice that we’re on a staple diet of biscuits and coffee. The dunk mug safely stores yummy cookies under the steaming frothing cuppa, warming those delectable baked goodies just nicely. You don’t even need plates for those biscuits too, though we’ll have switch to buying the round Jacob Weetameal biscuits instead of the square ones. (link)

2. Piegato Board

This awesome wall mounted avant garde creation is a foldable device that’s great for hanging all sorts of fanboy paraphernalia or hot chick accessories (as illustrated) and neatly packs up into a flat board when not in use. Easy to carry and easy to install, it’s also perfect for scribbling down hurricane ideas – dawns on you like Zeus riding on a wave of lightning rods then spirals out of your mind quicker than you can say, “igotabrilliantideabutilostit”. Ignore new age blonde statements on chalkboard please. (link)

Geddit? geddit? So run along now and please buy them. Hipsters will always like fancy chic ideas.

The basis for creativity is a lot of arse-scratching

Charel — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 02:28:59 +0000

“Kafka, talking about the process of writing, wrote that there was no reason to leave one’s desk: that if you sit there long enough, the world “will writhe before you”. Work often springs from a kind of creative emptiness, and frequently involves a lot of footling around, doing nothing and waiting – for an idea, for frustration to goad you into action, for some small shift in the atmosphere or for the light that sets the mind free. Ask any writer how much time is spent staring at the wall, looking out of the window, arse-scratching and prevaricating. A lot of visual art – and of writing and perhaps music, too – reflects on this, and even uses it as the basis of a work itself.”

– Rachel Whiteread: Through the eyes of a child, Adrian Searle.

Eat dirt, you scum.

Charel — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 09:34:45 +0000

The raptor steadies its gaze upon the unsuspecting prey, unfurls its majestic wings and leaps off the edge ready for the kill. It crashes spectacularly on the ground, succeeding only in landing a mouthful of dirt.

Not far away, its victim unleashes a piercing cackle. Never has the raptor suffer such indignity. “Just you wait, you bitch. Imma nail you on the ass the next time, and I’ll make sure the first damn thing I do is to tear your larynx apart.”

My first babies!

Charel — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:21:36 +0000

The product of a RM75 airflown starter kit from eBay and a newfound passion. Voila!

Mario Shroom is for Celine, Sunny Egg is for Sim.

Aaaah, my precious little handmade cuties!

Suck in your fart and implode!

Charel — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 10:04:04 +0000

On the subject of a silent gassing assailant lurking somewhere in the premise of a friend’s office…

madhatter says:

fuckkkkkkk

dunno who the fuck is farting in the office

char siew pao farts non-stop

im gonna commit suicide now

harakiri style

farewell, dear world

Me says:

WALAO

madhatter says:

YEA EXACTLY

Me says:

u didn’t stand up and blare meh?

madhatter says:

fuck this shit!

no lah, can i hire you for that sole purpose?

Me says:

can

madhatter says:

stand up for fresh air!

yes we can!

Me says:

i can go to ur office pop in and say, I’VE BEEN HIRED BY AN ANONYMOUS CLIENT TO ASK THIS QUESTION OF LIFE-AND-DEATH

WHO THE FUCK HAS BEEN FARTING CHAR SIEW PAUS??

IF YOU DON’T WANNA CONFESS YOU BETTER SUCK UR FART IN AND IMPLODE

madhatter says:

HAHAAHHAHAAH

ROTFL

wah damn beh tahan

My very impulsive wants.

Charel — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:36:37 +0000

I want to love my job.

I want a job I love.

I want to travel. Back-to-back. Melbourne to Hong Kong. Hong Kong to London. London to Dublin. With nary a care.

I want to meet Colin Firth and tell him how dashing he is.

I want the Cady from Oliver Peoples.

I want to shoot people in between the eyes and whoop for joy.

I want coffee. Stat. Or brain stimulants. The ones that go straight to the head. A bullet might do the trick.

I want to attend a music festival with all the band fare.

This ain’t going anywhere.